Gilham Editors

Gilham friends,

I had a great time visiting with you last week and enjoyed your comments, questions, and stories. Some of you took the opportunity to be editors (helpers) for my personal narrative draft. Now, all of you can!

Remember what good editors do: compliment, ask questions, and make suggestions. Take a look at the draft below and try out your editing skills. All you have to do is click the Comment button above and type away. I look forward to your feedback to help make my writing better.

 

My family moved into this neighborhood in 1985 the local school Gilham was surrounded by fields. It looked alot different then.

In a few years my son, Tyler, was ready for kindergarten. I took him on his first day. I’ll remember that day forever.

The school was alive with activity. Busses and cars streamed through the parking lot. Kids parents filled the sidewalks, voices buzzing with excitement. I took Tyler’s hand and walked him to his portable classroom.

When we got close he pulled me to the side and dropped to his knees. I followed him to the ground. “What’s the matter Tyler” I asked him. “I’m a little scared, he said his voice a whisper.

He looked over into my eyes. “Me too” I said.

Tyler got up, let go of my hand, walked past the teacher at the door, and in the classroom. He didn’t look back.

 

108 comments

  1. Brooklyn says:

    Hi Robert,
    Thank you for comming last week I realy injoy having you in my writing class and I didn’t read your books yet but I am so exsided to read them.’”

  2. Courtney Olson says:

    You’re really cool with your own story’s and it is the same and the other ones with the right people who are the best and are they your friended?

  3. Mane meafua says:

    Hello Robert I loved your gum sculptures you made I haven’t read one but I will once I have a chance

  4. Emily.c says:

    My favorite part of Monticello is the bed between the two rooms ‍

  5. Paxton says:

    Hi robert you inspired a lot of people i bet you 999,999,999$. Thanks for visting.

  6. Jayla says:

    Hi Robert!
    I’m so happy you are a writer. You are the best writer in the history of book writers!!! Well I think you should add a comma after 1985 because it makes more sense. Well, we hope to see you soon. We love you! Bye!

  7. Dorian says:

    It was fun having you here at Gilham Elementary school. Also, there were two mistakes I sall. First mistake I sall was you forgot a period after 1985. Another mistake I sall was you did not have to put a comma after my son. Bye Mr. Young hope I get to talk to or see you again.

  8. Richard says:

    Your story was awsommmmmmeeeeeeee why don’t you put a space at alot not a lot and I want more details did Tyler have a good did have a bad day. You could have do nineteen-eighty-seven in this for. I think “I took to his first day” isn’t a sentence were is the conjunction and the subject .

  9. Boden Brown says:

    Hi Robert,

    I feel that the class really enjoyed you coming! .

  10. Thomas Brillon says:

    Hello.

    I was sick when you came but I’m still glad you made everyone happy by coming. Your books are epic. Thank you for coming.

  11. Aaron says:

    I loved you story, and I have a question about your name ‘why is it areswhy? I think I found a couple of errors that I would to share with you. One, is the I think in the second sentence of the paragraph you don’t need two comas to isolate Tyler like this, Tyler, but over all I loved the whole story.

  12. Abigail says:

    I loved it so much! Also you forgot to put quotation marks after ‘scared’, also I think you need a comma then and after ‘1985’. You also need to put and after ‘he let go of my hand’. Last you spelled a lot like ‘alot’. Other then these mistakes it was awesome!

  13. Ellie says:

    Dear Robert,
    Thank you I enjoyed your visit. I think you should add a more interesting topic to the first part. It just sounds plane.

  14. Hayden says:

    You did great but you need to put a comma at 1985 ather wise you did great

  15. Jaylayourbiggestfan says:

    Hi Robert! I’m so happy you are a writer! You are the best writer in the history of book writers!!! Well I think you should ad a comma after 1985 because it makes more sense well hope to see you soon we love you bye!!!!!!!

  16. Dryden says:

    Thanks for coming to our school. I had a good time asking all sorts of questions. I hope you visit again soon. Any way I hope to see you again. I will be posting all cind of questions ok by.

  17. Jackson says:

    Hi there , I had a great time when you come to Gilham Elementary school. I think you spelled a lot wrong okay.

  18. Ellie says:

    Dear Robert I think you should add a more interesting topic to the first part it just sounds plane. Thank you I enjoyed your visit.

  19. Emily.c says:

    I am thankful you came
    I like your books they are amazing
    And my favorite one ☝️ is Monticello I love it.

  20. Rylynn says:

    Thank you for coming and I think you should put a coma after 1985 thank again for coming.

  21. Boden Brown says:

    Hi Robert,

    I really enjoyed you coming to are class! I’m glad you took the out of your schedule to come and talk to are class, thank you!

  22. Aaron says:

    I loved your story,and I have a question about your name’why is it areswhy? I think found a couple errors that I would like to share with you. One, is I think in the second second sentance of the second paragraph you don’t need two comas to isolate Tyler like this,Tyler, but over all I loved the whole story

  23. Micayla Koffa says:

    Hi Mr. Robert how was your day today. I hope your having a good time. I really like the story but i want to now what happen to Tyler after school was over. Your really a nice guy and you brighten my day. I hope to see you again so I can say i’m happy your here.

    Your nice friend Micayla

  24. Lyric parrish says:

    Good work mr. Young!!! You write really good.:)

  25. Caitlyn says:

    Thank you for coming to Gilham I really like your books. I really liked your mint book that I wished got published. And I like questions.

  26. Abigail says:

    I really liked your story, it was really interesting.

  27. Kylia Thomas says:

    Dear robert l loved all of your storys you rout. and l went to the book store and got your books well l hope you have a good day.

  28. Keenan says:

    First of all, I love your story. Second, I think you should put a period after “1985”, and put the word and after the word “Kids” in the third paragraph and third sentence.

  29. Josh Boston says:

    Dear, Mr. Young

    Nice job Mr. Young you did really well typing. One thing i did see though is that what neighborhood, but everything else is good nice job on the the work. Keep up the good work.
    *into this neighborhood in 1985*
    Thanks for coming. for my friend Mr. Young.

  30. Nathalie says:

    I think it’s good, but I have a question…. what are you going to do with this piece of writing. 🙂

  31. KATIE says:

    Hi I am Katie you don’t know me because I was absent that day I think your blog looks really good

  32. Jack Carlson says:

    Dear Mr.Young, I really like how how you put in a lot of detail in your story ,but you probably should have put in a period after 1985.

  33. Keenan says:

    First of all, I loved you story. Second, I think you should put a period after 1985, and put the word and after the word “Kids” in the third paragraph and third sentence.

  34. Cameron King says:

    Hi Mr Young thak you for coming to my classroom it was really cool having you come in.I liked your story about your son Tyler.

  35. Amy says:

    I have read some of your books in my class. I love your books. I would suggest reading your books. Thank you for coming to Gilham Elementary school

  36. Cole says:

    I love the personal narrative. Thanks, you are the best guest teacher in the whole world.

  37. Hayden belnap says:

    I liked the story of your kindergarten son but were did you move in 1985 i suggest you put it in were you move.

    Your biggest fan
    Hayden belnap

    P.S. have a great day Robert

  38. Braeden Reyes says:

    Hi Robert

    I really like how Tyler was so confident, he just let go of your hand and didn’t look back, it was kind of like he new what would happen that he would have fun, and I bet when he got home he probly made some friends and thought it was sooooo cool.

  39. Henry says:

    Thanks for coming to our school at Gilham, and showing us your books!

  40. Tyler Cooley says:

    Thank you for visiting the school,and showing us some of your books! 🙂

  41. Thank you for coming please come again if you do come again soon could you show us a book you might be working on. Have you ever been to Germany because I am going to visit my aunt,uncle and my two cousins. did you know the place where they make legos is in Germany. And my uncle that lives in Germany ran a race the race was with about 13,000 people my uncle made it in eighty second place.any questions ask me. I hope I get to you soon bye

  42. Cole Griesel says:

    Hi!It’s me Cole. Hope you enjoyed my first comment. I wanted to say you said a lot (with the L close to the A.) Why didn’t I Type it that way? My computer is correcting it. Anyway have a good day.

  43. Callie says:

    Thanks for visiting us. Your story is amazing every time I read it, and I think you need a (“) after “ I’m a little scared, 🙂

  44. Cameron Wade says:

    I loved that you came to our school. I also think you need a period after 1985 and you need to capitalize the t in the. Thanks again.

  45. Aden Zombie Zellick says:

    Thank you for the visit and do you think you could write about your visit here i would really wat to read it if you do write about it. How many schools have been to to visit? Zombie is actually my middle name I’m not kidding!

  46. Liyora Holmes says:

    Dear Robert,
    Thank you again for taking your time and coming into our class room! I love your books! Hope to see you again!

  47. Micheal Goff says:

    Thanks for coming. By the way, I think you should add why Tyler never looked back at you. 🙂

  48. Sammy Bennion says:

    I liked your story because you left the end opened so we don’t know what happened next. Just want to let you know that there should be an “and” between the words kids, and parents filled the sidewalks

  49. Kyland Whittington says:

    Thanks for coming in it was fun having you, some of the things that you said were funny again thanks for coming in,

    From kyland

  50. Marley service says:

    Thank you for coming to gilham elementary last week. It was a joy to learn more about being a writer, AND personal narratives. In the 4th paragraph when it says “when we got close he”, I think you could have put a comma after close so that it would slow the sentence down a little bit. Thank You!

  51. Bailey says:

    I liked your story. I think that you should put a quotation mark after scared when it says “I’m a little scared, he said his voice a whisper.

  52. Pbrowning01 says:

    I love what you do and how you do it all different waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaqaaaaaayssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  53. Kiah says:

    You are the best and I hope you have a #Awesome day.

  54. Daisy Summers says:

    The visit was amazing. You need a period after 1985 and a comma after kids.

  55. Kyler Cordell says:

    YOU ARE THE BEST GUEST TEACHER EVER!!!!

  56. Ella says:

    Thank you for teaching us Mr. Young. us children really liked it! i wish i had your expense. You surprised me! even though i don’t like touching paper! i want to write books too!

  57. Brady Barry says:

    I think there should be a comma after 1985, you were the best sub I have ever had at this school. You were a lot of fun. I liked the stories you told us about. The one I liked the most is the one where you saw the dog and it bit you. That other one where you went on the hike and saw that gorilla and went on the raft and it was vfunny that some people fell of especially the guy who was on the back. Than you for coming in the class.

  58. Leni Pierson says:

    I just loved the end! Though many others wanted more, I was happy with the ending. The one thing I wanted to change was the format. I believe that you should indent the beginning of every paragraph. Thank you for coming to our school by the way.

    Sincerely, Leni Pierson.

  59. Patrick says:

    I love what you do and what you should uss

  60. Acuevas01 says:

    Hi Robert,

    Your a great incredible guest teacher! Hopefully you come again, and tell us more of you. Well its your choice but I hope to meet you again! The books you made are probably good. I haven’t read one, soon I will.

    P.S. I will definitely read your amazing books! Thanks for coming.

  61. Abigail C.N. says:

    Hi Robert,

    Your a great incredible guest teacher! Hopefully you come again, and tell us more of you. Well its your choice but I hope to meet you again! The books you made are probably good. I haven’t read one, soon I will.

    P.S. I will definitely read your amazing books! Thanks for coming.

  62. ELEANOR HUNT says:

    that was # amazing

  63. Bailey says:

    In he didn’t look back add and he didn’t look back but otherwise it was great in your comments it said and and byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Go apple 

  64. Parker sullivan says:

    You were the best guest teacher ever

  65. Jayden Collis says:

    Hi Robert,

    I think there should be a comma after 1985. I love your books too

  66. Tommie says:

    Thank you for visiting.

  67. Eleanor Hunt says:

    You might want a period after “1985” and capitalize the “t”.

  68. Dani says:

    I think you should put something different in the first part, other than that i liked your story. Thanks for visiting us.

  69. Jay says:

    You spelled a lot like alot.

  70. Lincoln says:

    Hi Robert,

    Just letting you know I think there should be a comma after 1985.

  71. Soleil says:

    The first sentence is a run on sentence, after 1985, there should be a period , and capitalize the “ t “ on “ the “

  72. Parker says:

    In the 1st sentence there should be a ,and after 1985. After kids there should be an and.

  73. Jay says:

    Thank you for coming to Gilham.

  74. Jack says:

    I think you could add a period after 1985 at the start

  75. Hunter says:

    I liked your storyline it was good

  76. Michael Stasack says:

    Hi Robert,

    Thank you so much for your wonderful and inspirational presentations. They were perfectly adapted to our needs at Gilham. We will take a look at your personal narrative on Friday. I hope you’ll get some great feedback from the kids. You have made writing feel more real and accessible for them with your kindness, honesty, and openness to critique.

    I just read your book, Not Fair – The Story of Abigail Scott Duniway. I’m so glad you chose that important piece of Oregon history to share! You have touched the lives of many, both near and far. Write on!

    Mike Stasack

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